Routy High Schoolers
I never thought i was going to be the one that had so many problems with drinking in the future but i shoudl of seen it coming with how hard i drank even back in highschool. We Drank hard and blacked out often, We would go looking for fights and always found them which didnt always end our way. I had my butt kicked so bad i woke up in the hospital with a broken eye socket and a battered up head, i was beat with bats and metal pipes which is unfair but im sure it would have all been avoided if it wasnt for drinking that night. i drank and drove alot, i was the only friend with a vehicle and one time we though it was a good idea to do this thing called sign smashing and all you do is swerve off the road and drive right into the sign when you see it. i had put my friends face through my windshield because driving home from a party we were driving in a construction zone and i didnt see this big dirt mound and smashed strait into it and he catapolted strait into my windshield and broke his face up pretty bad.
My First Dui
I Drank really hard throughout my highschool career and very hard after that. I was starting to get extremely bad because i would pass out at the wheel or leave my truck places. Well one night right after i graduated and had turned 18 i was at this tournament that we call beer fest. i was over there all day slamming beers and taking them down the most hardcore ways its designed to get you wasted! well i left there to go drink at a different bar and for some reason in my head i was going to go get some tacos from jack in the box with like 37 cents. on my way to go get the tacos i was already so blacked out at this point but i remember trying to call someone and talk to them with one hand and im pretty sure i was smoking with the other but i didnt have it on the wheel and i wasnt paying attention to the road because i had almost took a semi driver head on on the highway by my place. the cop had gotten up behind me seen my truck was dancing in and out of oncoming traffics lane and i pulled over. now that had sobered me up a little bit but when he showed up to my window he had asked if i knew why he had pulled me over and i said no and he said look to your right and there was about 14 keystone cans smashed up on my dash. he asked me to do some tests and i already knew how bad i blew it so i just turminated the tests and took on my dui.
The Real Start To My Down Fall
After getting my dui i continued to drink for a couple more months while my cases got continued, but once everything was set in stone i actually fallowed the rules very well with the dui. at least until the last few months i had gotten a bat crazed psycho girlfriend who would stress me out so bad. so everytime i had a drugtest after the drug test i would drink. I finally broke up with here after she had just completely lost it and faked a pregnancy with me but i didnt break up with drinking. I had also discovered heroin and meth just a tiny bit. i was living in an old beat down appartment and we had the cops at my house every single night for noice complaints and certain people they thought they would see over there. i used to light stuff on fire inside all the time and lit our christmas tree on fire and had the music cranked all the time. My final days were coming though, One Night after drinking alot i had gotten pulled over but surprisingly the cop said if i could find a ride he would let me go, so i called one of my friends and she said she would come get me so i told the cop that and probably 30 minutes later he comes back and asks were she was because if she doesnt come that he would arrest me. so i call her again and she said she forgot about me and that instantly infeareated me, i told the cop she was about 10 out and he took off so i hopped in my four runner and smashed on it and smashed strait into a giant dirt mount and got high centered for a moment i was just thinking to myself if the cop had come back an seen me like that he would of thought i was the biggest clown but i finally got unstuck slowley creeped out onto the road then smashed it. i ran every single red light until i got home just so i wouldnt get busted then i busted my front door down and snapped on the girl that was supposed to pick me up. i packed up all my things that night and moved out. The very next night i went out with a work buddy instead and brought him to one of the local bars by my house he was absolutly toast and took a taxi home but i wasnt all that bad at least i thought and i picked up a bunch of heroin before i got home. well only about half a mile away from bieng home i decided to smoke alot of it which ended up making me nod off at the wheel, im not sure how long i was out for but what had woke me up was just this very violent jerk. i woke up and all i thought was i ran off the road into a field so i sat there trying to start my truck and it would not go into gear no matter what i did. well there was a witness that had pulled up to me and asked if i was alright and i said yes and he told me he was calling the cops so i tried telling him he didnt need to because i wasnt sure what had happened yet but that guy said some choice things to me then sped off but the cops were on there way. i finally got out and noticed i had so much blood everywere and my entire front end was ripped off of my four runner. it started to hit me at that point so i had another buddy with me and i got him out of the vehicle and we took off running towards his house because we were seriously 2 roads away. but while running we already seen the cop lights coming so we dove into a bush and they sped right past us. his mom finally picked us up and got me home and for some unkown reason at two in the morning i answer the house phone and its the cops. but they asked if they could come over to speak with me i said yes and at that point i had already given up and would be taken into custody on my 2nd dui blowing about the same B.A.C as my first dui which both of them were .217 and .216 that is how close they were about 6 years apart.
I Was Doing Amazing!
That second dui had changed me! I was struggling with heroin pretty bad but the classes i had to go to for my dui helped get me off of heroin also and at the time i thought that would never ever happen. i was starting to see hope and alot of it coming fast! i was doing great at work i had a truck i loved and money in the bank. for the first time ever my credit was cought up and actually climbing , everybody was happy for me. i even was accepted to buy a new truck off a car lot which was a super big deal because of how jacked up my credit had been before. seriously i was never ever going to touch alcohol or drugs again i had such a super strong desire to stay sober. i had great people backing me up i thought i had all the tools until…
The Wosrt Year Ive Ever Had
Its so fucking stupid how a person with absolutly no symptoms nothing wrong with them just magically end up with stage 4 one day. Cancer turned the strongest most beautiful spirit definetly funniest guy i ever met and whiddled him down to nothing within about 9 months. about a month before he passed away his cancer treating dr had said my dad had actually beat about 97 or 98 percent of the cancer the dr couldnt balieve it and we thought we had the worlds greatest miracle but sadly turned into the longest nightmare.
Everything Came To Fast
Even though i had went so long for some reason nothing was going to stop me from taking a drink but at first it was only going to just be one night which seemed fair, so the very first day of my Dads chemo was the first day i went to the bar again. i guess we both were getting poisoned that day. i went to the bar downed a pitcher with an old buddy and went home it was anything crazy but just like that i was hooked all over again. i started going out more and more it was every friday then every weekend then sometimes in the weekdays i was failing my blow and go left and right and i didnt care i was needing rides to work from one of my foreman still drunk i would come home so obliterated and all i would talk about it wanting to kill myself while my dad was sitting there trying to fight for his. i feel like such a piece of shit now for it. i caused so much extra stress on my fathers life because of drinking that it had to of killed him sooner then he would have gone.
He Always had such a good attitude and was always so so positive. My absolute biggest regret is how much and hard i chose to drink his final 9 months. i was robbed of time from him and him from me. i was blacked out so much i hardly remember his final months i dont really remember what his voice sounds like or what my final memory is with him.
i think this was his final week or real clost to it and in that bottom picture i was drunk. i think i was drunk everytime i went to the hospital to see him which i think was only once or twice. out of all the years ive done drugs and all the mistakes ive made drinking this one actually really really hurts and destroys me. i just am so discusted with myself that i would choose a liquid instead of hanging with the guy that raised me and made me laugh harder then most people could. he made sure we both always had a dirtbike to ride and i was always his roadie. he wanted to go fishing or boating every weekend and i just didnt have the time because i was thirsty it is the one thing that is hard to forgive myself for and this has been about 3 years already but my drinking doesnt stop there it still continues and worse. but i just want to say dont take any moment with your family for granted even if its doing yardwork. That used to go in one ear and out the other because i never thought it would be me but now, i would give up absolutly anything to do anything at all with my dad again.
The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly
And this is where i would end up almost every night. i stayed clean and sober for about a month or two after my dad passed away but i was to caotic and impulsive to stay that way for long. at this point i had moved out into my own apartment and started doing heroin and meth again while drinking pretty hard again. i was drinking and at the bar every single day. i was blacked out just about every night. i wasnt going to court dates or paying any bills and i had also got into a fight with the police of idaho and got a new charge through them and a bloody face all bieng my fault. i started getting to the point were the blackout wasnt enough and i would get sleeping pills and eat the whole bottle after drinking then people would tell me the crazy things i did for example pissing in my living room and falling asleep on the neahbors car who hated me.
I was scrapping on rock bottom for awhile. i had lost my job because of drinking and also had a title loan on my truck which had been repo’d. i was drunk for christmas and my birthday and every holiday i “spent” with my mom. i was so drunk one time i dove head first into a brick wall which i know surprisingly didnt move messed my back up really bad. i injured my shoulder very bad before another time too when i was drunk and still feel that to this day. i decided to throw this party at my apartment and for some reason just completely thrashed it, i threw pumpkins off the deck a cooler full of stuff off the deck onto a brand new truck. we were breaking class outside and in and cutting up the couch. i dont recall any of that night but i know i had one pissed best friend that i thought i had lost but thank god i havent.
I Was Use To Chaos
I Think the heavy drinking continued for about two years maybe a year and a half after my dad passed. i was so tired of going to court and failing my blow and go even though i would end up with the EHM In the long run avoiding drug tests when i could of just done the drug tests to avoid EHM. I Continued to make bad choices while drinking and hanging with the wrong group. but i had finally had enough and stopped drinking but at the time i would continue to do drugs. you can continue the drugs part because it tells how they played a part in ruining my life also but eventually i do plan to put them both together into my actuall full life story there is just so much i wanted to piece them up.
Clean As A Whistle
Today i am once again clean and sober. not for very long but i am determined i had continued to do drugs for quite awhile after i had stopped drinking but my behavior was a lot more docile then when i had been drinking. i feel comfodant again and im ecxcited to have a better life i just wish it hadnt taken me so long to get back to sobriety ive missed so much and it feels like im just now waking up. But like i said earlier there was alot of reprocution like court stuff, job losses, owing money to companys, no vehicles, but that stuff is easy and doesnt affect me like it should the one thing i struggle with forgiving myself about is the time that was wasted not spent with him.